where i've been :)

struggles w/ pushing for creativity and the fine-line of sharing your life online

Last time on Viv Laugh Love:

• why are airports so emotional

• the reality of moving across the world by yourself at 21

Now that you’re all caught up …

omg please mind that i’m in a MUCH better headspace than the viv you see in those videos. i’ve had so many people reach out to me (which btw, thank you for everyone who checked in and asked how i was after watching my recent videos :’) i forget people perceive me LOL i appreciate y’all so much) and i can say i’m definitely healthier and happier now.

Hi. It’s been a hot second. 

After reaching my goal of posting once a week for a whole year on YouTube, I figured I needed a break. But obviously, that gives no excuse for not posting here for three months. 

Grab your drink and snack. We have some catching up to do.

If you’ve been following me on YouTube or Instagram, you can see that I’m not in my usual character location. Currently, I’m in Sydney, Australia!!!!!!!!!!!

so happy i get to live here for a bit! also, the fact that i wake up and go to sleep to this view is insane. a dream come true.

Yes, I’ve listened to “Unwritten” by Natasha Beddingfield an unhealthy amount of times. 

And yes, life feels surreal. 

While on FaceTime at Circular Quay with my background being the literal Opera House, Anya said she thinks I’m in my element here. She said it, not me! Really, I’ve enjoyed each day here so much.

But before all the sunshine and rainbows of Sydney, I was in Vietnam for a solid month. No month has challenged me so much as that month did. There were some days when I felt like I was being spit up, chewed out, and like nothing was working in my favor. Of course, by a certain point, the Vietnamese-American identity crisis hit (not feeling at home in a place where you thought would be home, beauty standards … blah, blah, blah). First-gen immigrant kids can really never go back to the motherland in peace is what I’ve gathered.

Through the past couple of months, I’ve learned a lot and gotten closer to my friends who’ve gone through the same experience. For example, finding out that my friends also cried on their flights leaving the U.S., made me feel a little less alone. Apologies to the person sitting next to me during my flight from San Francisco to Tokyo. It’s not my fault the bridge of “You’re On Your Own Kid” by Taylor Swift lined up exactly at take-off.

I’ve also had a lot of people who watched my last video, the reality of moving across the world by yourself at 21, relate to their own experiences. Literally, like my friends’ moms getting emotional watching that video and how they remember those feelings when moving to the U.S. and uprooting their lives. The fact that my videos can touch people’s past lives in that way makes me SO emotional and is motivation to keep doing all of this.

Another part of why I haven’t been posting here is that I feel like my lifestyle change impacts my content. This blog and my YouTube were truly creative outlets for me during university. Whenever I’d need to take my mind off study sessions and decompress, editing videos and writing little columns about pop culture events was my way of creative expression! There are loads of things I’d love to write about from my journeys in both countries, but I’ve also struggled between the lines of wanting to share pieces of my life, and simply enjoying my first time living solo across the globe. 

“I find that social media is very effective for forming connection when you’re sharing ideas and it’s a real conversation. And I find it’s way less effective at building connection when you’re just sharing an experience. It’s very hard to export an experience and it also comes at a cost. As soon as you export your experience to other people, you get to keep a little bit less of it.”

- Caroline Winkler

Creativity comes in its best form when people are limited with resources or challenged mentally or physically. During the past couple of months, I’ve been realigning what I ACTUALLY want to be putting out, how I want to push myself creatively, and what these new schedules look like. Seriously, how in the WORLD did I put out a YouTube video every week on top of school and work?

Long story short, my digital footprint is back. I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself. I miss my friends back in the U.S., but so blessed to have made some great friends over the past couple of months! I’m excited to share more through my channel once I figure out how I want to piece everything together.

XOXO

- Viv ❀